Words

Some Important New Words

Some very important people in England say that English contains 

at least 250,000 words, and they ought to know, because they're 

English. And look, 250,000 ought to be plenty, especially most of 

us use only fifteen or twenty of them.

But thanks to some very deep primary research at Whirled 

HeadQuarters (more on that later), my laboratory partners Calvin 

Burgamy, Matt Rosenberger and I have determined that even with a 

quarter of a million words in circulation, undetermined nuances 

of human experience are left begging for abstraction. Here are 

some recently minted words to represent that for which the 

English language has sadly been found wanting.

Stay tuned for updates.

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Fleech: A neighbor who drops by whenever you have visitors.

Trollandering: Checking to see if any new food has emerged 

in the refrigerator. 

Rockeels: Shoes made of crystal meth. 

Laborologist: A guy who can't go to work because he doesn't 

know what work means. 

Osteoferocis: Mad to the bone. 

Pillosophy: Wisdom through pharmacology. 

Smotemeal: The breakfast preference of cereal killers. 

Bellaginary: The war against reality. 

Quotidiate: A strong conviction that changes daily. 

Terrormisu: Dessert for the damned. 

Liftamation: Rounding your height up to the nearest foot.

Quantanity: When subatomic particles are fucking up your 

Queasative: Sick of having to explain everything. 

McStake: A mcmansion gone horribly wrong.

Leapyism: The desire to keep things exactly as they were on 

Hab: All the fun stuff you got to do before re-hab.

Liquality: Drowning from pure laziness.

Macrowave: A kitchen appliance used for cooling what got 

too hot in the microwave.

Pollutix: The effect of humans on government. 

Pigadillo: Eating when nobody’s looking. 

Crudenza: A nice piece of furniture for displaying a bunch 

Solyume: A book that only the author reads. 

Meegativity: Putting the you back in youniverse. 

Zeks: A word that makes you think of another word. 

Cholestrahaul: A beer and butter cleanse. 

Calmpost: Relaxed, yet rotting. 

Freightonomics: When your retirement plan is based on 

Girl Heaven: Where crying burns calories. 

Boy Heaven: Where drinking beer makes you rich. 

Oy-Veycation: If it's this much trouble, you might as well 

convert to Judaism.